In case any of you don't know I have OCD ( obsessive compulsive disorder) Or as I like to say CDO the letters should be in order. he he I have to work daily on this issue because it can cause me more work, frustration and problems.
One of my OCD issues is I have always had this mentality of okay I will start the diet on Monday, or the beginning of the new week or year. This has gotten me no where other than when I decided for my new years resolution to lose weight.
The one problem with this was I lost a good amount of weight almost 60 pounds but then I stopped watching what I ate as closely, I never did kick the habit of cutting out the sugars and sticking to a healthier life style. I also failed at staying active. I let a couple days of not working out into a couple months then here and there I would do something.
Then when I decided to go to massage school I let it consume me. I didn't continue to take care of me. I did good for the first 3 weeks then it was just too much between cooking, cleaning, studying and the hour drive to and from school my days were just full. LAME excuse!!! Now that I look back on it. I could have done it all had I been eating healthy and exercising I would have had the needed energy to keep up on it all.
I had read a quote on Facebook the other day that said " A year from now you may wish you had started today! " by Karen Lamb. YES I DO!!! I have gained back some of the weight not all of it but I think of "if I had kept up the great work I was doing I could be so much better off ". Then I beat myself up verbally then physically buy eating junk food. This is a very bad cycle that has to be broken.
I have suffered in the past with major depression. I am not talking oh I am so bummed and I don't want to do this or that. No mine was clinical depression to the point of suicidal thoughts and attempts. The attempts were made but Heavenly Father was watching over me and apparently has a purpose for me not dying. I had gone through 6+ years of counselling, antidepressants, more counselling and learning how to deal with things a little better. I still suffer from anxiety and depression once in a while. Now I tell my husband when I am feeling it coming on and he helps me out.
I was anorexic for 2 years and then went bulimic for 15 years due to I LOVE FOOD! This disease ruined my metabolism so much. I ended up with a mitrovalve prolapse and a prolapsed stomach. This means my stomach had dropped and turned (this is the explanation that my Dr. gave me.)
The point to all this is being open and honest with you as the reader and even if no one reads this it is my way of sorting things out to make sure I am changing what needs to be changed in the right way.
I don't think I have ever learned or dealt with the portion control issues I have. So last week after thinking about what my issues are and needing to make changes. Now mind you I was thinking when the new year comes but that mentality is leaving and changing. I signed up for Weight Watchers Online.
I have done it one week so far. I did not weigh myself for the start of the second week. But I am liking that when I go to eat something I think to myself " Wonder how many points this is going to cost me?" For me this is a start to what I want and what needs to change with me.
I was reading the blog Roni's Weigh and she wrote a great article called "3 Steps to a Healthier YOU!" it is under the link there. A MUST read for us who are struggling to get healthy.
I am currently working on making small changes. These are 1) slowly weaning myself off of sugar. So hard this time of the year when there are so many goodies being brought to our house. For this reason I have decided to go slow at this. I do have to admit that I have come a long way on this one in the past year. 2) Learning to except me as I am and not beating myself up. 3) Moving more. Now I just went in today and had some more vein work done on my left leg. I am not aloud to do any exercise other than walking for 2 weeks. 4) Working on my goals -short term & long term. 5) Studying and learning all I can to better my health not just for myself but for my family. These are just the 5 I want to share right now.
Hugs, Bobbi Jo