My Weight Loss

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Start On Monday Diet Mentality

In case any of you don't know I have OCD ( obsessive compulsive disorder) Or as I like to say CDO the letters should be in order. he he I have to work daily on this issue because it can cause me more work, frustration and problems.
  One of my OCD issues is I have always had this mentality of okay I will start the diet on Monday, or the beginning of the new week or year. This has gotten me no where other than when I decided for my new years resolution to lose weight.
The one problem with this was I lost a good amount of weight almost 60 pounds but then I stopped watching what I ate as closely, I never did kick the habit of cutting out the sugars and sticking to a healthier life style. I also failed at staying active. I let a couple days of not working out into a couple months then here and there I would do something.
 Then when I decided to go to massage school I let it consume me. I didn't continue to take care of me. I did good for the first 3 weeks then it was just too much between cooking, cleaning, studying and the hour drive to and from school my days were just full. LAME excuse!!! Now that I look back on it. I could have done it all had I been eating healthy and exercising I would have had the needed energy to keep up on it all.
 I had read a quote on Facebook the other day that said " A year from now you may wish you had started today! " by Karen Lamb. YES I DO!!! I have gained back some of the weight not all of it but I think of "if I had kept up the great work I was doing I could be so much better off ". Then I beat myself up verbally then physically buy eating junk food. This is a very bad cycle that has to be broken.
 I have suffered in the past with major depression. I am not talking oh I am so bummed and I don't want to do this or that. No mine was clinical depression to the point of suicidal thoughts and attempts. The attempts were made but Heavenly Father was watching over me and apparently has a purpose for me not dying. I had gone through 6+ years of counselling, antidepressants, more counselling and learning how to deal with things a little better. I still suffer from anxiety and depression once in a while. Now I tell my husband when I am feeling it coming on and he helps me out.
 I was anorexic for 2 years and then went bulimic for 15 years due to I LOVE FOOD! This disease ruined my metabolism so much. I ended up with a mitrovalve prolapse and a prolapsed stomach. This means my stomach had dropped and turned (this is the explanation that my Dr. gave me.)
 The point to all this is being open and honest with you as the reader and even if no one reads this it is my way of sorting things out to make sure I am changing what needs to be changed in the right way.
 I don't think I have ever learned or dealt with the portion control issues I have. So last week after thinking about what my issues are and needing to make changes. Now mind you I was thinking when the new year comes but that mentality is leaving and changing. I signed up for Weight Watchers Online.
 I have done it one week so far. I did not weigh myself for the start of the second week. But I am liking that when I go to eat something I think to myself " Wonder how many points this is going to cost me?" For me this is a start to what I want and what needs to change with me.
 I was reading the blog Roni's Weigh and she wrote a great article called "3 Steps to a Healthier YOU!" it is under the link there. A MUST read for us who are struggling to get healthy.
 I am currently working on making small changes. These are 1) slowly weaning myself off of sugar. So hard this time of the year when there are so many goodies being brought to our house. For this reason I have decided to go slow at this. I do have to admit that I have come a long way on this one in the past year. 2) Learning to except me as I am and not beating myself up. 3) Moving more. Now I just went in today and had some more vein work done on my left leg. I am not aloud to do any exercise other than walking for 2 weeks. 4) Working on my goals -short term & long term. 5) Studying and learning all I can to better my health not just for myself but for my family. These are just the 5 I want to share right now.
 Hugs, Bobbi Jo

Friday, December 2, 2011

So Far So Good

Since my last post I have worked out everyday. I started this week doing cardio everyday. After the three surgeries and 8 weeks of recovery I am feeling more like myself each day.
I also found out that I can jog again. Now I am not running but jogging a little more each day. It has been so long since I have been able to jog. Maybe a little TMI- but when I tried before I would have to stop and go to the bathroom. The bladder lift has been a life changing surgery that I wish I would have done many years ago.
So I during my workouts I warm up, walk fast using inclines off and on then every couple of minutes I jog. I am so excited that I can do this again. I am beyond excited about this.
I also started back to work on Monday at the spa. I will be working 4 to 5 days a week on call so hopefully this will help me to get my arms back in shape too.
Eating is going well. I gaining energy and feeling better every day! Hugs, Bobbi Jo

Friday, November 25, 2011

Goal From Now Till 2012

My goal starting now till 2012 is to do something of a workout no matter how long the work out is or if I have to do several small workouts to feel the effects.
I have had a mind set and need to change it. That mind set is that I need to work out at least 30 to 45 minutes starting, sweat like crazy for my workouts to be effective. That is not the case any thing and everything can help to get in the habit of working out everyday.
So this is my goal! Hugs, Bobbi Jo

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Disuse Atrophy

I have been frustrated with my workouts or trying to work out. Finding out that after two or three weeks of not using muscles they start the process of disuse atrophy. This is where the muscle is not being used so it shrinks and goes into an almost stagnant stage. Well during the first 4 weeks of recovery the muscles I used were for walking, going to the bathroom, eating and talking. Needless to say these last 2 muscles are in great shape. My endurance just flat out stinks and I tire out going up our stairs in our house to our room. NOT COOL!! But I will chug along and it WILL get better, regain my strength, stamina and energy again.
So Friday I woke up feeling like I had been kicked in the kidneys. Such bad pain and I rarely get back pain other than when I was in labor. So I took it easy I did my cardio workout on the treadmill but that was it.
I then had a craving for buttermilk so I had a cup, low fat mind you. It was so good so I had another cup. Then I felt so bloated and gross. My daughter and I had to go to the store and I couldn't wait to get home. I had some stomach issues but felt better with that by night time.
Today still sore in the kidney area so I took today off.
Tomorrow I am going to share my new changes that I have decided to make, set my new goals for this week (some might be repeats) and workout log.
Hugs, Bobbi Jo

Friday, November 11, 2011

Figured It Out

This morning as I was on the treadmill I figured out what is the most frustrating right now for me. My endurance just plain SUCKS!! Not a word I often use but at 10 min on the treadmill I am about dying huffing and puffing and I am only walking at a fast pace. By 15 I am done and feeling it so much in my legs.
So how long of being mostly sedentary does it take for the body to lose it? Before the surgery I did a stress test and at a major fast pace and a heart beat being very high to the point of gasping I was able to do it longer than the usual according to the techs. Wow my body is in super bad shape. This is a real light bulb moment for me.
Would love input from anyone who knows about this & can share. Hugs, Bobbi Jo

Start a New Day

So after yesterdays rant (sorry about that but it needed to be done!) I did my cardio workout even though all I wanted to do was continue to eat junk.
I decided I needed to get back on board again so I decided on a large salad for dinner. This seemed to help out a good bit.
And I woke up this morning back to the same weight as I was at the beginning of the week. Now it is the start of a new day . I am thinking maybe I need to avoid posting on days like yesterday but I try to keep this blog real. It really does help to deal with issues by writing them down even if they no seem to make sense to someone else or maybe it can help someone think Oh yea I know that feeling and maybe send me a comment that might help me out.
The kiddos have today off from school other than Gabby who needs to do hers today to keep on schedule. I am going to get off the computer and head down to do some work on the treadmill then weights on the upper body.
Check in later! Hugs, Bobbi Jo

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Dealing With Be Disappointed

So things have been going okay this week. Dealing with a little disappointment then feeling up then back down.

The ups have been losing a little weight this week and working out. The downs putting a little weight on due to eating too late, waiting too long to eat and lack of sleep. The weight is not that much that has come on but enough that the OCD person who wants everything to go her way doesn't like.

The workouts are another downer in a way. I can't work out the way I want to! This is so aggravating for me. I get tired so easy and can't do much, this makes me frustrated to no end.
I was trying to do this great 4 min. workout that has been proven to boost your metabolisim for up to 36 hours after wards. It was tested and proven. Well I decided this was just the thing I needed to help me next to my cardio workout on the treadmill and weights. The first part of the exercise is squat thrusts. I tried really I tried so hard but my legs didn't want to kick out and I couldn't even jump them down into place. I don't know if is the freshness of recovery but I was so mad. Mad at myself for not being able to do something so easy.

Then today Gabby and I went shopping. I wanted to get a blouse to go with some of my winter skirts and a blouse for working at the spa. I tried a bunch on they were either too tight in the arms, through the back or the lower belly. I still don't know if all the swelling is down from the surgery but I truly wanted to scream and then cry in the store. I was so angry at myself for letting my body get to this point.
So I did what every rationally minded woman would do I went to lunch. I went to Sonic and blew a major part of my calories on that meal of the day to pacify the anger I had for myself.
I am trying to not be too hard on me but with having to go back to work next week I am scared I am not going to be able to perform as well due to being so physically and having gone soft (literally) in my upper body.
I am sure some of my problem is due to feeling stressed. I am having some vein surgery done on Tuesday. I have 4 veins that need major help and I am seriously more worried about these than I was the 2 surgeries I just had. Stupid I know but I am. The Dr. said I would be able to drive the next day and go back to work so I guess I should stress too much.
So I am working on keeping up positive thoughts, visions and kind of the fake it till you make it attitude. This works until I look in the mirror or try on clothes then it all goes away so then I have to pick myself up again.
So enough with this rant but I guess this is why I started this blog was a way to get it out and work on the faults I have.
I know I will get stronger, healthier and leaner but I am not a patient lady by any means.
I would love to hear how you all deal with things like this. I am trying to learn how to myself.
Looking to a brighter tomorrow. Hugs, Bobbi Jo

Monday, November 7, 2011

Taking Up Less Space

Found this on Kelly Olexa's blog The Kelly O Show. She is an inspiration with her passion to work out and her vlogs are fun!
Anyways I had to have this hanging in my house. I didn't even bother framing it I needed to see this and start to make changes.
This is so true!!

This is my new goal or motto :" Take Up Less Space". Meaning getting leaner, stronger and smaller.
It is weird I don't feel like I look as big as what I weigh. Does anyone else feel this way?
Yet when I see myself in a picture or mirror I see it and think EWWWW! How did I get to this point again.

A while back I posted that I wasn't using my scale well that was working for a while. Unfortunately my clothes were getting tighter and I am feeling lousy.
So my scale is back to help me keep track as I lose the 86.2 pounds I need to lose.

I have got to get off this weight and get down to where I am me again. I started feeling it in 2009 when I was working on myself, exercising, eating OK but still drinking Diet Coke ( a LOT), hot chocolate and taking in a lot of sugar along with eating out way too often. Then when I started school full time I put my fitness on the back burner along with trying to eat healthy.

So my goal is to become healthy, strong and lean. I will never be a twig my body isn't made to be that way. I use to do power lifting when I was in Jr. high and high school so my legs are big no matter what and I am large boned. Yes I did have it tested and my wrist is bigger than 6 inches around. I have finally excepted that I will not be a skinny gal who can wear anything and look great due to my body shape. I think this is a great thing.
I started out last week as you might have read in my last post from yesterday. Starting out didn't go so great. But today is a new story actually it go better over the weekend. I was feeling very depressed and stressed with life but things are slowly falling into place for me. I am excited about the changes that I see in my upcoming future.
So what am I doing that is different?
Changes for this week:
1.Charting workouts
2.Counting calories
3.Making small changes in eating
4. Praying more for help in this process
5. Not doing this on my own...having Coco and friends who support & help
6. Setting goals
7. Doing this for ME!!
This is it for this week.
I would love to hear from all of you of what you are doing to help keep you motivated.
Hugs, Bobbi Jo

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Starting Out Started Out Bad

I have been looking forward to being recovered from my surgeries and starting fresh with new eating and such. Not expecting to be put on solid foods the day after my surgeries my plans fell through. I am extremely OCD and my plan was to go strait from the fasting to HCG to drop at least 15 to 20 to give me that boost to move on.
Last week of Course I had to start on either the Monday or on the first day of the month so I picked the first day of the month. I hate to say this but stress got the best of me. Then depression hit and I wasn't eating terrible but certainly not sticking with the 500 calories on the HCG diet.
After trying for a few days of this and letting my emotional eating get the best of me I have had a change of plans.
And so the journey begins. Till tomorrow. Hugs, Bobbi Jo

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

In 6 Weeks

My last post that was posted almost a month ago was really kind of a downer. So now for the up side of my rant and moving forward.
Next Monday I am going to have 2 surgeries done that will change my life. I am having a miduretheral sling surgery first. Probably too much information but my bladder is only working at 38% and this just makes it hard to function the way I need and want to. Then after my doctor is done the second Dr. will come in and do a hernia repair surgery. They are not sure how many I have he could feel 2 but had me get a CT scan and so there could be more around the repair that was done in 2006.
I am excited to get these taken care of. Then I go in for an ultra sound for the veins that have been causing me problems for almost 20 years then surgery for them sometime in October.
I have put on weight and have NOT been taking care of me.
With that being said I will be starting off fresh. I have to have a fresh start I am just that kind of person, a little too OCD.
I went in for 2 tests yesterday at my cardiologist to give me a medical clearance for the surgeries. I got a nuclear stress test and then an echocardiogram. I will get those results on Friday.
I need to get the weight off and keep it off. It is going to be a long rode but I am looking forward to this journey.
Sorry if I bummed anyone out with the last post. I reread it and felt kind of bummed. But I try to keep it real and some days a person just needs to vent.
Hugs, Bobbi Jo

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Pathetic Blogger

So I have been a pathetic blogger. My last post was June 27TH on my 47TH Birthday when I got rid of my scale. Well so much has happened and I now feel the time to post about it. I started eating a little more raw on June 6TH when I started drinking a juice every morning that I made called the Great Eliminator. Well just by the name you can tell what it was suppose to do. NOPE not with this kid. Maybe a little more the 1ST week but after that nope, nada, nothing. I do like the way it fills me up even though it isn't the most yummy tasting juice. It consists of 1 large beet, 10 carrots, 1 large cucumber, and I started adding 2 apples to make it so I could get it down and hold it down. It was tasting a little too much like dirt and bitter.
I have not weighed myself since getting rid of the scale unfortunately I have had to go to the doctor where they did that for me. JERKS!! Why for an ear ache do you have to know how much I weight? I know it is procedure but really?
So even though I have not been off soda pop ALL soda pop since June 6TH I have put on weight. Not exercising I am sure has a lot to do with it. The massage industry at least my clientele have gone back to their homes in Canada or out of state until October so I haven't been doing as many massages either. This adds to my lack of activity. Yes I am giving you my excuses here. I really need to get this off my chest. I am tired of worrying about being skinny. Yes I want to be healthy but I am tired of not enjoying life due to this. On the other hand I am not enjoying the way I look and feel.
I have been seeing doctors starting back in April to see about getting some surgery done for my bladder. Having been pregnant with 7 babies and giving birth to 5 of them (the other 2 were miscarried) my body has been through the wringer. I am unable to exercise comfortably for an extended period of time without having to stop to use the bathroom. So this is one big reason I am wanting to have this done. I went in last Thursday the 35TH for the bladder test. It wasn't fun and kind of awkward. It made me have flash backs to holding my full bladder for ultra sounds for my babies. No bundle of joy found on that one. he he Test results will be revealed to me on Thursday August 1ST.
I also have been feeling tearing in my stomach where I had had hernia repair surgery in 2006. I went in to see the Dr. for this procedure and by feeling he felt 2 hernias above where the netting was from the last repair. I went in on Tuesday the 30TH for CT scan. I will get results for this in the next few days from what I was told.
I am also now waiting on a referral for a cardiac doctor so they are able to do the above surgeries. I had a heart attack when I was 32 so the doctors are super paranoid about me going under the knife at this time without all the tests being done and me having full clearance.
I am not asking for sympathy or anything like that just getting this off my chest. I am ready to be back to feeling good and having my energy level back.
Hope all of you are doing well. Hugs, Bobbi Jo

Monday, June 27, 2011

Joining Connie And Going SCALE FREE

MONDAY, JUNE 27, 2011

I read this on Connies blog Fat to Fit Mommy! This just struck me like I was listening to my own story. So I am joining Connie in getting rid of my scale.I am tired of determining my emotional state by how much I weigh. I will not let it rule my life any longer. I too 
am striving to be healthy and fit. 

What better gift can I give myself on my Birthday thanFreedome from the scale! 

Scale Free

I ran into my friend Jolene from Healthy Discoveries at a party this weekend. Just being in her presence made me make better choices. I only had one glass of Sangria and one bite of dessert.

Jolene is working on something pretty exciting and talking to her about it really got me thinking some things.

While talking to her about being healthy...weight was never mentioned once. We talked about activity and healthy choices. We talked about motivation and the rewards of making those choices.


My life has been ruled by the scale since I was a teenager. It can make or break my day. I'm throwing out the scale!

My focus needs to be on health and not weight. Because weight doesn't tell the entire story!

And it shouldn't determine how I feel about myself.

Starting today....I will work towards making healthy choices and adding more activity to my life.  I will reward myself with things other than food. I will hydrate my body with water instead of coffee and soda.

I desire to be HEALTHY and STRONG!  Which means....I'm going to have tochange my twitter handle. HA!

When we pay attention to our desires, our daily energy levels increase. And embracing your desires will sustain your health! ~ Jolene Park

Hugs, Bobbi Jo

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Raw Food

Today is Saturday June 18 Th, 2011. I started almost 14 days ago with the Raw Food Life Force Energy program (Natalia Rose). I have to be honest I have not been 100% on not eating flesh (red meats) but have cut WAY WAY back. Just a couple meals in the past 2 weeks. I have quit drinking sodas and am avoiding sugar. Like I said I am not 100% on all of it but I do notice a difference in the way I am feeling. I have also gone organic on all that I can. It is a little more expensive but I think so worth it.
 I had been studying up on Raw eating for the past few months but kept going back on forth on how will I do this and feed the carnivor  family. For this reason I have not gone all out but I can say I am about 90% there. I am juicing every morning, eating fruits & veggies and enjoying the feeling. I have my juice in the morning called " The Great Eliminator", it is 1 lg. beet, 1 lg. cucumber and 10 med. carrots, and juice away and drink. It is not the most tasty thing in the world but I stay full for a good amount of time. Way more than if I were to have cold or hot cereal or an omelet.  A little crazy that this weird tasting concoction can do this for you. I do have to WARN you : If you try this and you do it for a couple of days your waste (fecal mater) will be pink or red, don't be alarmed it is the beets that does this to you. I know to TMI but you need to know these things to save you a trip to the doctors due to funny colored poo!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Feelings Of Let Down

 Have you ever felt like you are letting people down including yourself? Feelings of what do I do now? How do I move forward? How do I get to where I want and need to be when I don't feel like it?
 Just worn out.........tired...........stressed to the limit..........what do I do now?
 Hugs, Bobbi Jo

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I Had Good Intentions

Don't faint I am finally blogging again on this blog. All through December I had good intentions on starting off eating healthy, exercising and kicking it up more and being the fit person I so want to be. Well that all went flushing down the toilet.
 To be honest I am not sure what happened. I have tried to start HCG 3 times but I can't do it. I like food and trying to eat so strict with Alan being home all the time, feeding the family, stress and life I am a week person at this time I guess.
 I don't want this to turn into a downer post of complaints and ranting but I do need to get a few things off my chest. So since Nov. my hubs hasn't had a steady job, I am feeling the stress more to make more money but I also struggle with being home enough to take care of my family and home. Struggle with wanting to have fun and do fun things. Now mind me my work is pleasurable but I love being home cooking, cleaning and organizing. Do the Donna Reed thing ( this is what my hubs use to say I did, if any of you even know who Donna Reed was.) The last 4 weeks I have been dealing with depression, not sure why. Dealing with being tired a good portion of the time (this is not usual for me at all). I have put back on about 15 pounds since the start of the new year well maybe a little bit before because I have struggled with the fluctuation of  5-8 pounds.
 I went to the Dr. on Monday. I got my yearly exam and she said all looked well other than my blood pressure was a little elevated again so I am back on blood pressure meds. She is running blood work on me. This week I am dealing with an earache that isn't fun but I am sure will get through it soon.

I really need to get back on the get fit & healthy band wagon. Does anyone have any suggestion for me? I am lacking the motivation to get out there and do it. I know they say JUST DO IT but I need something a little more right now. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. REALLY!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!
 Like I said I don't want to be a downer I try to be upbeat but I just feel like the world is closing in on me and I am not sure how do handle it. Maybe I just need a mini vacation and a good cry. he he
 So I am working on this change in my life along with the other things going on.  Hugs, Bobbi Jo

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Been Busy

 I've been busy but thought I should check in. I am down 3 pounds as of the beginning of the week. I haven't really been doing any working out but eating a little better and keeping busy with work and working on the massage room with Alan.
 I still need to make my vision board. Is there anyone else that makes them? How do they work for you? Would love to hear feed back.
 So now I need to finalize my work out plans and get to it. I am such a OCD person that it has to be the right time and timing for me to start. Maybe this is my problem?
 Keep a smile on your face. Hugs, Bobbi Jo

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Welcome To The Year Of Wellness

 Good-bye 2010 and Hello to the year of Wellness 2011. Today we start out on a positive note 1-1-11! Check that out!  Being in school this last year along with many trials that came I let myself go, physically. I have not been excercising or taking time for ME! I know how importent it is to do this. So I decided that this is the year of Wellness for me.
 I am starting out slow since I haven't been physically active on a daily basis for a long while. I will add to the program each week and make my progress there. I am usually an all or nothing type of person but I know this would just make me sore and not want to do anything. So I will work through the OCD and do it this way.

 Working on eating healthier and exercise I should be able to drop some weight, firm up and feel great.
 I am using a program that combines Body for Life & tips from people who are fit and fabulous that I admire. After 30 days of changing my eating drasticly this program will start. 2 years ago when I was able to drop a good amount of weight I did it and now I can do it again.
 My goal is not only drop weight and get firm but be able to ge an example to my clients of what good health looks like and feels like.
 This year has brought many challenges and  it has shown me that I can do ANYTHING that I want to if I put my mind to it.
 So ready for feeling good and looking good. Hugs, Bobbi Jo