The ups have been losing a little weight this week and working out. The downs putting a little weight on due to eating too late, waiting too long to eat and lack of sleep. The weight is not that much that has come on but enough that the OCD person who wants everything to go her way doesn't like.
The workouts are another downer in a way. I can't work out the way I want to! This is so aggravating for me. I get tired so easy and can't do much, this makes me frustrated to no end.
I was trying to do this great 4 min. workout that has been proven to boost your metabolisim for up to 36 hours after wards. It was tested and proven. Well I decided this was just the thing I needed to help me next to my cardio workout on the treadmill and weights. The first part of the exercise is squat thrusts. I tried really I tried so hard but my legs didn't want to kick out and I couldn't even jump them down into place. I don't know if is the freshness of recovery but I was so mad. Mad at myself for not being able to do something so easy.
Then today Gabby and I went shopping. I wanted to get a blouse to go with some of my winter skirts and a blouse for working at the spa. I tried a bunch on they were either too tight in the arms, through the back or the lower belly. I still don't know if all the swelling is down from the surgery but I truly wanted to scream and then cry in the store. I was so angry at myself for letting my body get to this point.
So I did what every rationally minded woman would do I went to lunch. I went to Sonic and blew a major part of my calories on that meal of the day to pacify the anger I had for myself.
I am trying to not be too hard on me but with having to go back to work next week I am scared I am not going to be able to perform as well due to being so physically and having gone soft (literally) in my upper body.
I am sure some of my problem is due to feeling stressed. I am having some vein surgery done on Tuesday. I have 4 veins that need major help and I am seriously more worried about these than I was the 2 surgeries I just had. Stupid I know but I am. The Dr. said I would be able to drive the next day and go back to work so I guess I should stress too much.
So I am working on keeping up positive thoughts, visions and kind of the fake it till you make it attitude. This works until I look in the mirror or try on clothes then it all goes away so then I have to pick myself up again.
So enough with this rant but I guess this is why I started this blog was a way to get it out and work on the faults I have.
I know I will get stronger, healthier and leaner but I am not a patient lady by any means.
I would love to hear how you all deal with things like this. I am trying to learn how to myself.
Looking to a brighter tomorrow. Hugs, Bobbi Jo